


There's Nothing Like A Sister...

by MarzgaPerez



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Gen, Light-Hearted, Mild Language, Phallic References Abound, Poor Theon, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 08:56:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6949549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarzgaPerez/pseuds/MarzgaPerez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's worse than finding out your sister received a package with your prized member? How about a group of ironborn having a good laugh at your expense? Or worse still? Engaging your sister in a heart-to-heart about said lost member? This is kinda silly, but I had to. Poor Theon! Post S06E05.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's Nothing Like A Sister...

Theon could hear the loud bellowing and singing from above. And he could easily distinguish the murmured boasts of his sister, given that she was the only woman aboard. He had found a quiet part of the crew’s quarters to brood alone, but dammit if Yara didn’t find him a few minutes later.

“Sulking again? Or sea sick?” She was slurring her words and slightly unsteady. Yara took another swig of ale while she waited for her brother to respond.

Theon finished his own mug of ale and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “No, just thinking. I guess you know where we’re headed?”

“I do. We need to put some distance between us and our beloved uncle.” She took another long gulp and then belched. “Join me on deck with the others?”

“I’m fine here.”

“Oh, stop your damn moping. What’s the matter?”

Theon glared at her and finally spoke. “Did you have to tell everyone on Pyke about my…emasculation? Oh, wait. Is that too fancy a word for an ironborn?”

“Theon…”

“It’s not enough that I’m not a man anymore, but I’m also a walking joke. I’m sure there’s many a local tavern with many an off-key minstrel rhyming about my poor lost member.”

“Look, I had to tell my crew what that bastard did to you. They had to know the depth of his depravity and why I was defying Father to rescue you.”

“You couldn’t have told them that he cut off my fingers…or my toes. Or wasn’t it enough that he was holding me captive?”

“You know our people. They can withstand quite a lot…and they’d expect the same from you. But what he did… his cruelty…his flagrancy…”

“It must have spread like wildfire. And then Euron rubs it in my face. He was halfway around the world...”

“He’s a piece of shit. He’ll send them all to their deaths, you know, and leave their carcasses to rot. You made the right decision, little brother.” Yara slapped him on the back affectionately.

Theon gave her a half smile. The ale was starting to take effect. “It was the only decision. Even if you can’t keep your damn mouth shut.”

“I’ve never found those things all that useful…you’re better off without it.”

Theon shook his head. No topic was off limits with Yara. “Now I can't produce an heir…or marry.”

“The heir part might be rather impossible, but you can certainly wed and give your bride years of pleasure.”

“Yara! Really?”

“Chin up. You’ll make a far better lover this way.”

“Let’s change the subject. This is making me uncomfortable.”

“Making you uncomfortable? Do I need to remind you about our glorious reunion from a few years ago?”

“Gods, no. I promise I’ll never sulk again.”

“Good. And there’s something you should know.”

Fuck. What was she about to unleash on him now?

Yara let out what sounded like a giggle, although Theon rarely heard her laugh. “Euron has a tiny cock.”

Theon nearly choked on his own spit. “How do you know? Did he show you?”

“Not exactly. Believe me, I wish I could unsee it.” Yara shuddered. “He came to visit a long time ago, after you were turned over to the Starks. He and Father were on the shore after a swim.”

“But, Yara. Shrinkage?”

“No, no. This was later. They must have laid out there several hours, basking in the sun and drinking themselves into a stupor. Mother told me to call them in for dinner. When I got to the shore and realized that they were naked, I tried to look away, but I couldn’t. I saw everything. And later…when I had seen a few others for comparison, I realized just how small he was. Like a small lifeless worm. That’s why he walks around like he owns the whole damn universe.”

Theon managed a laugh. “Well…thanks? I guess that makes me feel a little better.”

“Yes, I’m glad my horrific experience can provide you some relief.”

“You always did try to take care of me. We’ll make a great team.”

“Team, my ass. Just remember I’m the rightful queen. You said so yourself. And there were witnesses.”

“Fine.”

“And I’ll do you one better. Any man of mine that mentions your phantom cock, gets his chopped off.” Yara raised her mug in the air as if to make her declaration official.

“Thanks for looking out for me.” Theon started to get up and follow his sister.

She turned to offer him some of her ale. “That’s what I do.”


End file.
